Monday, January 23, 2012

And They Say Chivalry is Dead...

Wow…Two in one day. Who knew my reader(s) would get so lucky. This one was an article that was actually submitted to me by my boyfriend (Gasp, a blogger who has a boyfriend? What? I also have a career, a masters and two bachelors…internet stereotypes beware!) I really enjoyed reading this article for two reasons: 1. I’m not a gamer so if provided me with interesting insight to the gamer community and gave me a greater appreciation for the men and women behind it. 2. While my strain for education is Social Justice, I am about as far from being a feminist as you can get, which leads me to look at this article from a very different point of view.
To outline, the article is about the male privilege of geekdom for gamers and comic nerds. The author is exceedingly well informed and first and foremost I must tip my hat to his glorious eloquence. (No sarcasm intended.) His well-written argument informs the reader that there is an unfair dichotomy for women in fandom wherein women are overly sexualized and treated as inferior creatures to the male protagonists. In his article, he describes that even the action heroines (pronounced hear-oin, not heroin) are required to dress in sexually fantasized outfits that would be really hard to kick ass in even if she wasn’t a size negative 4.
The author describes something called male-privilege, which can be loosely translated as the same thing as White privilege but with females and males as opposed to majority-minority race relations (See Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, Peggy McIntosh.) This assumes that men are afforded certain privileges based solely upon their gender and that women are treated as only women first and as anything else second. He describes an incident involving a girlfriend who entered a comic store with him and was instantly accosted with the leering comicboy who stared at her chest. Said comicboy is later admonished for driving the young woman out of the store by his inappropriate behavior ; comicboy says the girl doesn’t get it because she’s not a gamer and doesn’t understand that girls can be sexy and bad-ass.
(The article can, as always be read in its entirety here:
Here is where the author begins his argument that the gaming industry is slated towards male gamers and creates a counter-culture of girlgeeks who feel left out unless they get boobjobs and start dressing in the scraps leftover on their mother’s sewing table.  To which I have to respond with “NO FUCKING DUH!”
This is the pitfall of every media outlet to ever exist. Do you think they offered Kate the job for Underworld they also said “You can either wear a pair of pants that breath and move well so you can fight or you can wear a skintight leather catsuit and a fucking cape?” Do you think she would ever turn down a fucking cape? Hell no. This all goes back to the singular major statement of modern economics:
And not just to men. Sex sells to women too, in fact, it sells better to women than men because men are primarily visual thinkers and see a skin tight outfit and like it whereas women see a skin tight outfit, like it and want to BUY IT! Of course gamer culture buys into this because otherwise the industry would die a pathetic and stuttering death. Not to mention that while the comic/gamer industry is majority male, the publishing industry, ie. Those people who produce the comics and related material, is majority female. That’s right, a man might have created ass-cheeks McGee for the Bomb Girl comics, but most likely a female publicist said “This is the shit! Put it on the shelves!” Bottom line, sex sells, especially to women. Just look at Cosmo magazine, retailed towards women, and covers the front with scantily clad celebrities and catchphrases about sex and vaginas.
Here is where the author and I differ on opinions: I like that I get treated differently because I’m a girl. In fact, a lot of girls do. We strive to be treated unequally, we secretly love that you notice our breasts and our asses, that you compliment the skanky outfit I wore to the bar last weekend. I love that I am treated differently because I’m a woman because you recognize me for what I am: THE MOTHER-FUCKING CREATOR OF LIFE!
(Don’t give me that shit about it taking two to tango, because thanks to science your sperm is no more sentimental to me then when I borrow my roommate’s Nutella to make a sandwich.)
This blog is about fighting off Trolls and I think this post has gone the long way around that. So, onto the comments section. Surprisingly the comments I read were relatively well informed, and mostly dominated by a user named Shinta used eloquence equal to the original author to counter argue the point. This is what good writing does people, it inspires conversation.  Most of the comments were exceedingly long winded and slightly repetitive, fighting the good fight back and forth without any forward motion (WWI trench warfare anyone?) At one point, Shinta writes:
“Do you honestly think that people haven't "called it" by predicting exactly what these articles always argue? If you read the comments, almost all of them say that this is getting really old because they've heard the exact same argument repeatedly from multiple authors.”
Wow, called it, huh? That and some idiot called OtakuMan24 keeps trying to reinforce his point with dumbass pictures he found on google.
Back and forth, back and forth, walls of text and no real answers. Also, no suitable fodder for a blog about Trolls (why do I have this article again?) So I thought, what should we do to solve this problem and possibly end what was once a stimulating but now a repetitive argument? Easy, give them a solution to talk about.
When I was a freshman in high school, I started attending an all-girls Catholic high school. When I tell this to my friends, peers, colleagues, students etc, I noticed that girls only get to the all-girls point in the name and run away screaming and crying because they would miss boys too much (trust me, I did) and guys hear Catholic school girl and dive off into fantasy land where I’m wearing a short plaid skirt, engaging in a raging lesbian pillow fight and being spanked. My freshman year we didn’t really have a dress code except that we couldn’t wear jeans to school. By my senior year they had implemented a dress code that was both rigorous, wordy and just south of being a uniform. This experience helped me form the following response:

To Whom it May Concern,
My name is Ani Wuman I am the chairman of the board of Stupid Crap Men Come Up With. Given the extensive list of complaints we have received on both sides of the argument from this article, the board and I have come up with the following compromise:
Beginning Spring of 2012, all video games and comics with be subjected to a regulation dress code, as follows:
·         Girls will not wear skirts that are fewer than four inches above the knees.
·         All tops must be have a collar and the hem must touch the top of the pants/skirt
·         Any boobs that achieve a size previously unavailable by science will be forcibly deflated
·         Any and all weapons, according to state law, will be made viewable on the body and may not be tucked into obtrusive places such as the thigh, boobs or vagina (Concealed weapons permits may be obtained from your local law enforcement department)
·         All hair is now subject to gravity
·         Shoes will be logical for the situation, this mean no stripper heels for anyone jumping from the second story
·         Men will wear non-descript loose clothing appropriate to their role in the video game
·         Massive muscles will now be prohibited unless the game properly delegates time for the gym by which men may gain their muscles
·         Guns will have responsive kick-back, bruises and soreness will be applied liberally
·         Your penis may not have proportions the size of your ego
·         There will be a weapons limit based upon the standard rules of physics and what objects may fit securely in a backpack
·         All conversations with voluptuous women will conducted in the presence of an unbiased third party and with mentally implied censor bars over breast and buttocks
·         Your devil-may-care attitude is now subject to the laws of physics as well as the laws afforded by the state in which you conduct your business as well as the federal for any actions that require a class action felony or the crossing of state boundaries. Breaking any of these laws will result in death, fines, arrest and prison
This new rules have been submitted for review by the board of People Who Make Money off this Stuff and are currently being processed for immediate implementation. Thank you for your input and patience on the matter.
Ani Wuman,
SCMCUW chairwoman

For anyone who missed the point, I’m simply pointing out that the argument, while interesting, is somewhat invalid on both sides and therefor requires more action, research and compromise before it can be fully overturned. Also, I like it when guys hold open the door and buy me drinks at the bar, so sue me.
Faithfully hating my gender, until next time. 

The Great Gaga

You knew at some point I would have go there. Some people believe she’s the world’s greatest troll herself, others believe that she is the godsend to the musical and cultural world. Whatever your opinion of her, you have to agree she’s very good at getting attention. Whether or not you believe this is a positive aspect of her character, you can’t deny that she seems to be using this talent for positive change as opposed to say, telling people not to get their children vaccinated or spewing crap about 9-11 (Yeah, Marky Mark, we all wanna throw you under the bus for that one.)
Anyway, as an educator, I’m always deeply concerned with the wellbeing of the children under my care. Yeah, once the little snot nosed brats go home, they’re someone else’s problem, but while they’re at school I have to put up with them and let me tell you, they’re a lot easier to handle when they’re in a good mood. I support any kind of anti-violence, anti-bully prospect on the market. So when Lady Gaga announced the start up of her anti-bully campaign, The Born This Way Foundation, I was naturally enthused. (The entirety of the article can be read here:
But alas, the internet is never short of mentally deficient people that couldn’t pass a driver’s test if it was read to them (which in forty-eight states, yes, it can be read to you) but somehow someone let them get their idiot fingers on a computer. I envision pompously elite chubby guys whipping cheeto dust off their hands on their sweat pants before posting, because that seems about the level of brain cell required for stuff like this:

Carpe Diem!
10:13 AM on 01/22/2012
did not read announceme­nt..... just don't care. i wish she'd go awayyyyy!
02:02 PM on 01/21/2012
She will embrace the cause that makes her more popular. Any cause...
01:16 PM on 01/21/2012
Another looney tunes out for publicity. Announce it naked and at least two people would care.
01:08 PM on 01/21/2012
I thought she was going to announce that she is going to stop ripping off Madonna ...
12:49 PM on 01/20/2012
Yet another way to promote herself. Everything she does is about hype, promotion. She has been on the most suffocatin­g promotiona­l blitz I have ever seen a star undertake. It would make the old Will Smith blush.
These are just a few of the more applicable responses to her rally against bullying in America. When the trolls aren’t accusing her of ripping of Madonna, (Objection your honor, Relevance?) they’re accusing her of using this foundation as a new step in her publicity. The old, “She’s only doing it to be famous” schtick.
I don’t know if you have noticed, my darling troll community, but Lady Gaga is ALREADY FUCKING FAMOUS! Seriously? Come on! She is the head runner of a multi-MILLION DOLLAR empire. Every time she wants to increase her popularity, she releases a freaking CD! Or makes a line of OPI nail polish. Or she could punch a paparazzo. Jesus Freaking Christ, you think that what Lady Gaga needs is popularity? You either live under a rock or in one of those strange polygamist communities where you’re not allowed to have access to anything that the prophet deems satanic. (Relax, they aren’t real Mormons.)
It got me thinking that there is no possible way to response to these people other than to ignore them because they are clearly too malinformed and dense to understand any of my witty banter in the first place. Who then, should I respond to, if this particular breed of trolls seems to be so completely incapable of human speech?
Why not Lady Gaga herself? Not that she’ll ever read it, but if that was the point of my blog, it wouldn’t be a blog, now would it. Besides, I’m desperately searching for a job, why not kill two birds with one wll written stone:
To the Lady Gaga,
My name is of little importance due to the fact that anonymity on the internet is seldom upheld, so instead I will get straight to the point. Firstly I apologize on behalf of all the less than resplendent savants that grace the internet, knowing full and well that the only way to create a future sans dumbasses is to educate them early. Which brings me to my second point: Just graduating from college, I am desperately seeking terms of employment. I admire the diligence you give to the anti-bullying campaign and I wish to join you on your victorious quest to to bring about an age of more tolerant youth.(I contacted Madonna about being a sequin sewer, but she doesn’t want me so you might.) I hope together we might achieve a future of well-informed global citizens who cease the swirlies and gossip mongering of the high school halls. If you wish to contact me, find me on (the job site, not your site, sorry.) Until then, samples of my writing may be found here:
Thank you

Hopefully I receive some kind of application form in the next few weeks. I shall keep you updated. Until then, stay strong, fight back and win!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Jesus is a Friend of Mine

Just when I thought that Justin Beiber was the most questionable content available on the internets, I found religion. Religion seems to be one of those things that just pisses everybody off, and I love it. It provides instant fodder for the local troll to say things like “God hates f@gs” (You know who you are, WBC jackasses) or on the opposite end of the spectrum “Science proves there is no god!”
Good for you. You’ve taken a knock on someone’s spirituality and pissed someone off for your own needless gain against something that benefits only their soul, not their pocket books (unless you’re scientologist.) I know that irate jealousy is the main reason that Trolls seem to feed off unsuspecting internet users, but the issue of religion confuses me. Are you jealous of my belief in God or are you jealous of the excellent aerobic workout I get going to church every week? (Up, down, on your knees, up down, hands up, hands down…) Seriously, it’s like watching the emotions of a super bowl party on slow motion replay.

As usual, nothing sparks outrage on the internet like a youtube video. Combine Youtube with Religion and you have the holy grail (bad pun) of controversial content. I stumbled across an article (more filler news I’m sure) about a spoken word artist. The title of his video is “Why I hate Religion but Love Jesus.” If you have ever had any desire to know what it’s like to be taught by Jesuits (they’re an order of priests, not a separate religion, but don’t tell them that) watch this video.

If you’re too busy to be bothered with watching a four minute video about religion (you’re reading a blog for god’s sake, I doubt you’re that busy) then I’ll sum it for you. Basically this man says that Jesus and the Church (Christian or Catholic or Other is not specified) preach different ideals. He says that religion is about daily routines, enslaving free thought and preaching ideals set forth by man, not the bible. Meanwhile, he portrays Jesus as the hippy dippy Boudlerite we all know he totally was, preaching peace and tolerance above formal religious practice.
Awesome, right? I mean, my father (a devout Catholic since the age of one hour) frequently tells me that if Jesus Christ came to earth, he wouldn’t recognize the religion created in his name. (Which is a good point, considering that, duh, Jesus was Jewish.) Our friend in the video goes on to describe that Jesus is about what’s on the inside and the good you do, while Religion is about looking good as opposed to actually doing good.
That pretty much sums up my Catholic education nicely.
I found this posted on a news site,(  but I figured I could look at the original youtube channel for recent Troll activity as well. While collecting evidence for my debate, I stumbled across some of the following trollish comments.

On Youtube:
this is a cute idea. cute, but stupid

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas
Judas, Juda-ah-ah
Judas, Juda-ah-ah
Judas, Juda-ah-ah
Judas, Gaga

@gishwhes86 :9 im goin to kill myself because i literally spent 35 minutes to put that whole response together actuall you're making yourself look like an ass worry abou fucking grammar on the way F U oops my bad was that grammar to hard for you to understand??? shut up idiot

This guy i an idiot -_-
Religion created jesus, if it wasn't for religion you wouldn't know about jesus. Teens think they are so smart cause they feel like rebels when they feel its okay to say that they have a relationship with jesus but don't believe in religion. People are so stupid. Why don't people grow up. I know it hurt when you found out santa wasn't real, your prob cried, felt betrayed, and were pissed off at your parents but hey your all grown up now and your doing just fine :)

What a load of UTTER HORSESHIT

From Huffington (Source of non-news everywhere)
1 hour ago( 9:56 PM)
What a contridict­ion !
Description: photo
39 minutes ago(10:23 PM)
do you mean contradict­ion?

2 hours ago( 9:27 PM)
He looks so familiar..­.....I think I blew him last summer.
There were also several people with their obligatory Tebow responses (Yay Jesus!) and also one person who posted their phone number. Surprisingly, it was not the same person who claimed to have given him oral sex, although I would assume you might not want to contact someone after something like that. (Awkward.) Anyway, it got me thinking: great, all these people are replying, excellent. But WWJP (What Would Jesus Post) Aside from probably linking all of us to Naan Cat, I decided that Jesus himself would post something like the following:
(It’s funnier if you read it like the Situation from Jersey Shore)

Dear Believers and non Believers alike,
I am who you say I am…Just kidding, you guys haven’t got a clue what my name is because in the original Hebrew you probably couldn’t even pronounce it. God only knows where you got this idea that my last name is Christ (literally, Dad still won’t tell me) but when I watch this video…man, I feel it…like I feel it here *points to chest*
I wanna clear something up. I’ve got no clue what this Christianity thing is…that was all Peter. As for the Bible…well, I’ve never seen one, but it’s cool if you think I wrote it. I heard it’s like a New York Times Best Seller (Although so is Snookie, no accounting for taste, am I right?)
Just wanna let you in on a little secret: The Big Man up here was all set to like…end your existence this December, but then I totally linked him to this on Twitter and he was all like “Okay, I’ll give them a few more years.” Seriously guys, we’re getting sick of all you’re fighting and crap. If you believe, you believe…if you don’t, you don’t. If I wasn’t such a pacifist I would totally come down there and kick your collective ass. Since I majorly into the whole non-violence thing (unless I’m knocking over some tables in the temple) I’m totes going to Rick-Roll you when you least expect it.
Later Bros and Female Bros and Bros of Questionable Gender Identity
*This message brought to you by the Lord our God. I’m Jesus Christ and I approve this message

The way I see it, this isn’t technically blasphemy because my priest says that Jesus lives in all of us. Just like I can channel a little Poe or Hemmingway for my Critical Literature assignments, I can channel some Jesus for this one.
Love and Peace

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Introduction, or the Justin Bieber Incident

I decided today that sitting idly by in public when people say shameful things is deceitfully vain of us, believing that we would say something if we knew what to say or had the chance, yada yada. I stumbed upon an article about Justin Bieber today, to whom I have no relation nor do I have particularly strong opinions regarding, and found some of the comments shamefully obtuse.
My boyfriend promptly told me that I shouldn’t waste my time trying to say, educate or change anything. Admirable as he believes my efforts are, they would be in vain. The people who post such outrageous things do not necessarily believe them, but rather create this image of an idiot commentator (ie, the Troll) for the sake of riling people up out of boredom.
I too am bored! Bored I tell you, but I think I have a better idea. So I invented reverse trolling! My aim is not to out-troll the troll, but rather to join them in our likened efforts: they post such slanderous messages of hate which I respond with my own messages of logic, compassion, equality and, dare I say, brilliance. ( I like to toot my own horn.)
Below, is the first of such examples:

The Justin Bieber Incident:
The article was about the darling JB being named one of the most charitable celebrities and how played a free concert for a needy school and gave them toys and other such kind things that celebrities are wont to do when cameras are nearby (That and showing their nipples.) It was a sweet article, mild and pointless filler for the gossip section of the internet news world. These are the articles that seem to always glean the most attention from the elusive troll kind, so it is here I set up my base of operations in hope of interacting with the troll in its naturally idiotic environment.
Knowing that the troll would be bated by such a seemingly innocent article, I scrolled the comments, looking for my first subject. Low and behold, I quickly found user name David Bowie (shameful that he uses such a great pop artist for such low humor and self-amusement (also the irony was not lost on me.))
Here are but a few of his comments:
4 hours ago( 9:59 PM)
The boy is gay. That says enough. Selena will dump him by summer time.
4 hours ago( 9:58 PM)
He gives money to predominan­tly black elementary schools, That says enough. Selena will dump him by summer time.
4 hours ago( 9:57 PM)
His favorite colour is purple. That says enough. Selena will dump him by the summer time.

Brilliantly worded, fabulously executed and clearly a finer specimen of trolling could not be found. So, I hastened to construct the reverse trolling response:

I find it compelling that you can read a news piece about charity and the sharing of wealth with those in need and all you can take time to do is spill the poisonous residue of your own corrupted soul onto the internet expecting someone out there to respect, much less care about, your opinion; which is clearly either a. biased or b. deranged or c. affectionately dubbed ‘trolling.’ That’s fine; God (or respectfully insert self-utilized deity here) gave us all voices (or in this case, fingers) with which we express ourselves, and you are operating well within that right.
So here is my opinion of you: You pass judgment based on a lack of knowledge rather than a wealth of knowledge. That is the dictionary definition of ignorance. (You must be blissful indeed) You regale us with your witty (sarcasm) commentary about the personal lives of people that we all know you secretly wish you could be (I mean, who wouldn’t want to kiss Selena Gomez at the movies?) Finally, you preach against homosexuality in such a manner lacking intelligence that it’s almost laughable. (No really, I giggled.)
Why, might you ask, did I take the time to write such a thought out and eloquent (if I do say so myself) response to your wonderfully insightful (sarcasm) comments? Boredom, among other things, but mostly for the benefit for any young, impressionable child on the internet who clicks innocently on a link about their favorite pop star only to stumble upon your marvelously phrase bigotry. I respond for them, so that they may not feel ashamed of their mild mannered enjoyment of said pop star, but rather continue in their blissful love of a positive role model and become, as Signore Bieber put it “people of character.”
(Which is not to say that you are not a person of character; I just assume you are the one tying girls to railroad tracks and twirling your mustache. All well and fine, good stories, {even the internet} always need a villain.)

As eloquently worded my response may be, I was defeated by the fact that I could not figure out the manner in which to post said response. Saddened by this loss, I have ventured to find other trolls who’s environments are more hospitable to my computer/internet illiteracy.
Also, I have decided to adopt the nome de plume of Hercule-Savinien, who anyone worth their salt knows is the first name of the famous Cyrano de Bergerac (the real one, not the one from the play. I am clever.)
Until next time….