Thursday, January 12, 2012

Jesus is a Friend of Mine

Just when I thought that Justin Beiber was the most questionable content available on the internets, I found religion. Religion seems to be one of those things that just pisses everybody off, and I love it. It provides instant fodder for the local troll to say things like “God hates f@gs” (You know who you are, WBC jackasses) or on the opposite end of the spectrum “Science proves there is no god!”
Good for you. You’ve taken a knock on someone’s spirituality and pissed someone off for your own needless gain against something that benefits only their soul, not their pocket books (unless you’re scientologist.) I know that irate jealousy is the main reason that Trolls seem to feed off unsuspecting internet users, but the issue of religion confuses me. Are you jealous of my belief in God or are you jealous of the excellent aerobic workout I get going to church every week? (Up, down, on your knees, up down, hands up, hands down…) Seriously, it’s like watching the emotions of a super bowl party on slow motion replay.

As usual, nothing sparks outrage on the internet like a youtube video. Combine Youtube with Religion and you have the holy grail (bad pun) of controversial content. I stumbled across an article (more filler news I’m sure) about a spoken word artist. The title of his video is “Why I hate Religion but Love Jesus.” If you have ever had any desire to know what it’s like to be taught by Jesuits (they’re an order of priests, not a separate religion, but don’t tell them that) watch this video.

If you’re too busy to be bothered with watching a four minute video about religion (you’re reading a blog for god’s sake, I doubt you’re that busy) then I’ll sum it for you. Basically this man says that Jesus and the Church (Christian or Catholic or Other is not specified) preach different ideals. He says that religion is about daily routines, enslaving free thought and preaching ideals set forth by man, not the bible. Meanwhile, he portrays Jesus as the hippy dippy Boudlerite we all know he totally was, preaching peace and tolerance above formal religious practice.
Awesome, right? I mean, my father (a devout Catholic since the age of one hour) frequently tells me that if Jesus Christ came to earth, he wouldn’t recognize the religion created in his name. (Which is a good point, considering that, duh, Jesus was Jewish.) Our friend in the video goes on to describe that Jesus is about what’s on the inside and the good you do, while Religion is about looking good as opposed to actually doing good.
That pretty much sums up my Catholic education nicely.
I found this posted on a news site,(  but I figured I could look at the original youtube channel for recent Troll activity as well. While collecting evidence for my debate, I stumbled across some of the following trollish comments.

On Youtube:
this is a cute idea. cute, but stupid

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas
Judas, Juda-ah-ah
Judas, Juda-ah-ah
Judas, Juda-ah-ah
Judas, Gaga

@gishwhes86 :9 im goin to kill myself because i literally spent 35 minutes to put that whole response together actuall you're making yourself look like an ass worry abou fucking grammar on the way F U oops my bad was that grammar to hard for you to understand??? shut up idiot

This guy i an idiot -_-
Religion created jesus, if it wasn't for religion you wouldn't know about jesus. Teens think they are so smart cause they feel like rebels when they feel its okay to say that they have a relationship with jesus but don't believe in religion. People are so stupid. Why don't people grow up. I know it hurt when you found out santa wasn't real, your prob cried, felt betrayed, and were pissed off at your parents but hey your all grown up now and your doing just fine :)

What a load of UTTER HORSESHIT

From Huffington (Source of non-news everywhere)
1 hour ago( 9:56 PM)
What a contridict­ion !
Description: photo
39 minutes ago(10:23 PM)
do you mean contradict­ion?

2 hours ago( 9:27 PM)
He looks so familiar..­.....I think I blew him last summer.
There were also several people with their obligatory Tebow responses (Yay Jesus!) and also one person who posted their phone number. Surprisingly, it was not the same person who claimed to have given him oral sex, although I would assume you might not want to contact someone after something like that. (Awkward.) Anyway, it got me thinking: great, all these people are replying, excellent. But WWJP (What Would Jesus Post) Aside from probably linking all of us to Naan Cat, I decided that Jesus himself would post something like the following:
(It’s funnier if you read it like the Situation from Jersey Shore)

Dear Believers and non Believers alike,
I am who you say I am…Just kidding, you guys haven’t got a clue what my name is because in the original Hebrew you probably couldn’t even pronounce it. God only knows where you got this idea that my last name is Christ (literally, Dad still won’t tell me) but when I watch this video…man, I feel it…like I feel it here *points to chest*
I wanna clear something up. I’ve got no clue what this Christianity thing is…that was all Peter. As for the Bible…well, I’ve never seen one, but it’s cool if you think I wrote it. I heard it’s like a New York Times Best Seller (Although so is Snookie, no accounting for taste, am I right?)
Just wanna let you in on a little secret: The Big Man up here was all set to like…end your existence this December, but then I totally linked him to this on Twitter and he was all like “Okay, I’ll give them a few more years.” Seriously guys, we’re getting sick of all you’re fighting and crap. If you believe, you believe…if you don’t, you don’t. If I wasn’t such a pacifist I would totally come down there and kick your collective ass. Since I majorly into the whole non-violence thing (unless I’m knocking over some tables in the temple) I’m totes going to Rick-Roll you when you least expect it.
Later Bros and Female Bros and Bros of Questionable Gender Identity
*This message brought to you by the Lord our God. I’m Jesus Christ and I approve this message

The way I see it, this isn’t technically blasphemy because my priest says that Jesus lives in all of us. Just like I can channel a little Poe or Hemmingway for my Critical Literature assignments, I can channel some Jesus for this one.
Love and Peace

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